SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
she told me i tasted like america
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
