So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
