good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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