having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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