Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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