i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
