When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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