You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
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