i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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