At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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