I showed him my bush... on skype.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
