i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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