apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
