So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
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It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
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So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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