the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
