I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
