Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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