Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
