I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
