fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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