Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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