Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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