My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
