Don't you send me to vm
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
