That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Be still, my beating vagina.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
