My nipple is on Facebook.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
be right there i have to get my cape
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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