I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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