I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
