take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
