I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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