eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
