In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
