Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The dick lei will go down in squad history
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
