When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
