And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
