So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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