Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
