Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
