Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
