Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
