Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
