plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
