This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I would fuck him just for his dog
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