so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
