She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
