I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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