hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I wish you could order shots online.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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