I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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