I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
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So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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