Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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