Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
