We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
