are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
