we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
