I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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