I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
