do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
