i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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