You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
