I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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