You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
