My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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