After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Come share oat with me in your robe
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
