When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
