I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
