I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Are these your boobs on my camera?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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