Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
