u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
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