Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
